If I am just being a really awful daughter, and my mother is not really that bad. Poor old dear is 82, give her some slack, she was probably frightened when she got ill.
I now recount a tale of when I was younger, a lot younger. It would be when I was 20 and living with my then boyfriend who eventually become husband #1.
My eldest brother was living on his own and my younger brother (older than me) was married and living with his wife.
Mother demanded we attended on Christmas day, and we went (that was the mistake I now realise, but we were young and immature lol)
When we arrived we discovered that not only were the five of us in attendance, but she had also invited a number of friends for the event. We were placed down one end of the table while she and her friends sat together, laughing and having a lovely time.
After the meal she retired to the lounge. I say 'she' because she told us (her family) she was going into the lounge with her friends, we could clear away and stay in the 'other room'.
After a while we attempted to enter the 'friend zone' but were denied entry. If we wanted a drink, we were told, we could supply our own (on Christmas day!). Luckily we all knew our mother so had turned up with our own supply.
We sat in the 'other room' socialised, chatted, generally had a nice time. While she sat in the lounge with her friends and chatted and socialised and had nothing to do with us. If we attempted to talk to her she ignored us and told us to go in the 'other room'.
After a while we grew tired of being sent out of the room and decided we were all going home. Said we were going and left.
She did not speak to any of us for months, probably getting very close to the next Christmas before there was any contact. She still speaks of that Christmas when we all 'broke her heart'. (Yes really she has said that). Just the other day she mentioned the time 'the 3 of you just walked out down the road together without a word' (yes there was actually five of us and we all went to our respective homes after saying goodbye).
She basically treated us as young children, seen but not heard. I was the youngest, my eldest brother would therefore be 26 and the other 23. We were paraded in front of her friends and then expected to keep out of the way after we had done all the washing up for her.
I eventually did contact her, mainly because my wedding was the following May and I did actually want my mother to be there!
So no, I am not just a really awful daughter and she is not just a frightened 82 year old that was ill.
Wednesday, 30 January 2019
Tuesday, 22 January 2019
It all seems so simple
So the plan is...
You move.
You are consequently in a position to sit down and relax for a while. Ok so the curtains may not be what you want and the entire house needs decorating, but then that 'life' thing intervenes and you wonder how on earth you have lived somewhere for 4 months and done hardly any of the things you intended to do in that time.
I did manage to put a coat of paint on the hallway. But the only completed room is our bedroom and that is mainly because we had bought curtains, duvets, light shade etc as we planned to do it at the old place, so the only thing left was a coat of paint on the walls.
OH has nearly completed the kitchen, but he had an operation two weeks after we moved in, three weeks recuperating and then, finally, Christmas hit. He has only just got back to work properly so I am not about to get all worked up about a towel rail!
Now panto season is upon us and, luckily, the group is using pretty much all old stuff. Daughter is due round today to make one costume which is the coat using the simple pattern I put up a few years ago.
I see her about once a week. I see the grandsons, we go out, I may babysit, I enjoy it.
Two days a week I see my mother.
I find it hard to talk about my mother. She is 82 and I know you are all thinking 'aww bless'.
WELL DON'T.
She is basically somebody you have to tolerate and one of the reasons I do not work is that she needs me to go there at least twice a week. She phones when she wakes up so that I can be reminded of her existence, and will also phone during the day if I don't see her. If all else fails we have a 5 o'clock in the evening phone call.
STOP THE AWW BLESS!
This is a typically event in the life of me and my mother...
It was my birthday just after Christmas and my mother says she would like to spend the day with me (notice she says she would like to spend the day with me, if I had anything I was doing she would expect it all to be cancelled on her behalf), as it happens the only thing I was going to do was have a meal out at the local Chinese. But my mother wants to come. But my mother won't eat after half 5 and the restaurant isn't open until then. So I tell my mother that the restaurant isn't open and she complains about the restaurant. So I say we can go on another day for my birthday, but she wants to go out on my birthday. We hum and haw and eventually she decides that we can go out for the meal for my birthday on the Sunday before when the restaurant is open when she wants to eat. Remember, the only thing I had decided I wanted to do on my birthday was go out for a Chinese meal. I am now not going out for a Chinese meal on my birthday.
Don't be under the impression that my mother is one of those sweet little old ladies that does not really have control of her brain and how it works. My mother is as sharp as a needle, but it is always all about her! She is quite happy to completely change any of my birthday plans because of what she wants, that's what she does!
An example of this is mother's day. I literally have never celebrated mother's day like most people do because my mother demanded I attend her on mothers day. I now insist my daughter gets mothers day because I did not.
If you don't do what my mother wishes you regret it.
(Anyway, OH is used to mother and he comes to the rescue and books us the cinema to see Aquaman, which means I get to ogle Jason Mamoa on my birthday and I had a lovely day thank you all lol)
So, having completely changed plans for MY birthday, so that mother can have the Chinese meal, it is booked for the Sunday.
Then on the Saturday she phones up.
"I can't come tomorrow, I don't feel well, you may as well cancel it".
"Well why don't we wait until tomorrow and see how you feee....."
"I TOLD YOU I DON'T FEEL WELL".
Slams phone down on me.
I'm irritated. I phone back.
"All I was going to say was...."
Slams phone down on me.
I phone back.
"Don't slam the phone down on me, just listen to what I am trying to say."
"I DON'T FEEL WELL."
Slams phone down.
I phone back.
"I'm not saying you feel well, I am saying that you may feel better by tomorrow and want to go for the meal, so if..."
"STOP RINGING ME, I DON'T FEEL WELL".
Slams phone down.
I cancel restaurant.
I leave her to it, if she was that ill she wouldn't be capable of shouting down the phone at me lol
I phone her the next morning.
"How are you feeling to day?"
"I am feeling fine thanks, I must have just overdone it when I took the dog for a walk over the fields"
"Yes you do often overdo it don't you! Well I am glad you feel better"
"So why did you ring?"
"To see if you were ok, you said you weren't well yesterday"
"Oh yes, I feel fine."
"That's all?"
"Yes"
Bit more chit chat about nothing, no mention of her shouting at me or slamming phone down on me.
It was only after the phone call that I realised that she was waiting for me to say about going for the Chinese lol
Tough luck mother, Chinese cancelled when you said to do it!
I went and visited as usual on Monday morning and she told me how she had not had a very nice meal the night before. It was a ready meal and not the best one she had tried, it was lasagna. I told her she should have kept to the tin of ravioli, we had that, it was nice. She said nothing as she realised we had not gone out for the meal. She has never apologised for shouting at me, never mentioned it.
In fact my birthday was not mentioned again. I didn't get a card or a present. She didn't wish me a happy birthday on my birthday because I was out having lunch with one of my daughters and then watching Jason Mamoa (ty OH).
The Friday after my birthday she said something but that was because my other daughter was there with my grandchildren and gave me my card there. A week later she gave me an old bottle of wine she had in a cupboard. But basically she did not mention my birthday again!
And I had a Chinese takeaway on the Monday evening lol
You move.
You are consequently in a position to sit down and relax for a while. Ok so the curtains may not be what you want and the entire house needs decorating, but then that 'life' thing intervenes and you wonder how on earth you have lived somewhere for 4 months and done hardly any of the things you intended to do in that time.
I did manage to put a coat of paint on the hallway. But the only completed room is our bedroom and that is mainly because we had bought curtains, duvets, light shade etc as we planned to do it at the old place, so the only thing left was a coat of paint on the walls.
OH has nearly completed the kitchen, but he had an operation two weeks after we moved in, three weeks recuperating and then, finally, Christmas hit. He has only just got back to work properly so I am not about to get all worked up about a towel rail!
Now panto season is upon us and, luckily, the group is using pretty much all old stuff. Daughter is due round today to make one costume which is the coat using the simple pattern I put up a few years ago.
I see her about once a week. I see the grandsons, we go out, I may babysit, I enjoy it.
Two days a week I see my mother.
I find it hard to talk about my mother. She is 82 and I know you are all thinking 'aww bless'.
WELL DON'T.
She is basically somebody you have to tolerate and one of the reasons I do not work is that she needs me to go there at least twice a week. She phones when she wakes up so that I can be reminded of her existence, and will also phone during the day if I don't see her. If all else fails we have a 5 o'clock in the evening phone call.
STOP THE AWW BLESS!
This is a typically event in the life of me and my mother...
It was my birthday just after Christmas and my mother says she would like to spend the day with me (notice she says she would like to spend the day with me, if I had anything I was doing she would expect it all to be cancelled on her behalf), as it happens the only thing I was going to do was have a meal out at the local Chinese. But my mother wants to come. But my mother won't eat after half 5 and the restaurant isn't open until then. So I tell my mother that the restaurant isn't open and she complains about the restaurant. So I say we can go on another day for my birthday, but she wants to go out on my birthday. We hum and haw and eventually she decides that we can go out for the meal for my birthday on the Sunday before when the restaurant is open when she wants to eat. Remember, the only thing I had decided I wanted to do on my birthday was go out for a Chinese meal. I am now not going out for a Chinese meal on my birthday.
Don't be under the impression that my mother is one of those sweet little old ladies that does not really have control of her brain and how it works. My mother is as sharp as a needle, but it is always all about her! She is quite happy to completely change any of my birthday plans because of what she wants, that's what she does!
An example of this is mother's day. I literally have never celebrated mother's day like most people do because my mother demanded I attend her on mothers day. I now insist my daughter gets mothers day because I did not.
If you don't do what my mother wishes you regret it.
(Anyway, OH is used to mother and he comes to the rescue and books us the cinema to see Aquaman, which means I get to ogle Jason Mamoa on my birthday and I had a lovely day thank you all lol)
So, having completely changed plans for MY birthday, so that mother can have the Chinese meal, it is booked for the Sunday.
Then on the Saturday she phones up.
"I can't come tomorrow, I don't feel well, you may as well cancel it".
"Well why don't we wait until tomorrow and see how you feee....."
"I TOLD YOU I DON'T FEEL WELL".
Slams phone down on me.
I'm irritated. I phone back.
"All I was going to say was...."
Slams phone down on me.
I phone back.
"Don't slam the phone down on me, just listen to what I am trying to say."
"I DON'T FEEL WELL."
Slams phone down.
I phone back.
"I'm not saying you feel well, I am saying that you may feel better by tomorrow and want to go for the meal, so if..."
"STOP RINGING ME, I DON'T FEEL WELL".
Slams phone down.
I cancel restaurant.
I leave her to it, if she was that ill she wouldn't be capable of shouting down the phone at me lol
I phone her the next morning.
"How are you feeling to day?"
"I am feeling fine thanks, I must have just overdone it when I took the dog for a walk over the fields"
"Yes you do often overdo it don't you! Well I am glad you feel better"
"So why did you ring?"
"To see if you were ok, you said you weren't well yesterday"
"Oh yes, I feel fine."
"That's all?"
"Yes"
Bit more chit chat about nothing, no mention of her shouting at me or slamming phone down on me.
It was only after the phone call that I realised that she was waiting for me to say about going for the Chinese lol
Tough luck mother, Chinese cancelled when you said to do it!
I went and visited as usual on Monday morning and she told me how she had not had a very nice meal the night before. It was a ready meal and not the best one she had tried, it was lasagna. I told her she should have kept to the tin of ravioli, we had that, it was nice. She said nothing as she realised we had not gone out for the meal. She has never apologised for shouting at me, never mentioned it.
In fact my birthday was not mentioned again. I didn't get a card or a present. She didn't wish me a happy birthday on my birthday because I was out having lunch with one of my daughters and then watching Jason Mamoa (ty OH).
The Friday after my birthday she said something but that was because my other daughter was there with my grandchildren and gave me my card there. A week later she gave me an old bottle of wine she had in a cupboard. But basically she did not mention my birthday again!
And I had a Chinese takeaway on the Monday evening lol
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